Mum of two, Lucy Toghill talks about her journey to becoming a TS mum.

Posted Wed 29th Nov 2017 at 12:50
by Lucy Toghill

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This is my fight, my journey and no one is more qualified than me in the knowledge of my children.

I never thought I’d write a blog. I do post on facebook for friends and family to see but there is something different about posting something out there for people you don’t know to read. I used to worry that people would judge and have opinions about what I wrote. Then one day I thought…these people don’t know me and what if they read something I wrote and it actually helped them or they could also relate to what I had to say? And what if the person reading this was comforted by something I shared or even inspired? When I needed help, advice, support and inspiration I think I would have liked to have known that there were others out there just like me and to know that in fact I wasn’t at all alone. So, I decided it was well worth the risk.

I write this as I await an appointment for my second son to be seen by CAMHS. An experience that has haunted me for nearly a decade with my first son. I am in a much different place now than I was nearly ten years ago now and as I approach possibly the same road again I feel so much more comforted to know that it’s a familiar road I have walked down before. However, the one I walked down before with my first born was a much more negative one to the one I am planning to walk down with son number two!

I have come to realise that despite the obstacles that have hit me before that it is ultimately me that it’s down to me to fight through them and sort them out. That’s not to mean that’s how it should be but in reality, that has been my experience so far. The NHS and schools, if they wish to help and you are lucky enough to get their help, have their limits on knowledge and most importantly funding. I have learnt its definitely both who and what you know in this field that gets you places. I never knew what questions to ask or what I was entitled to or where I should turn to for advice and I have learnt the hard way, but this time I am an expert!!! An expert in being confident in knowing that my children need and deserve the best start in life and if there is someone or something out there to help them then I will find it. This is my fight, my journey and no one is more qualified than me in the knowledge of my children.

I have met some terrible people along the way but more importantly, I have met some fantastic people along the way too. No one is more interested in your children than you. I may have met some educated people that show an interest but at the end of the day it’s me who is thinking about my children 24/7 and spend the difficult times with them when they need me the most. At times the realisation of responsibility is overwhelming and extremely tiring. It took me a long time to realise that I wasn’t a rubbish mum but was in fact a mum just trying to do my best. And that is it. All we can do is our best. So when the kids are in bed (if you are lucky enough for them to actually sleep) don’t spend your down time feeling guilty about what you should have done or wish you could have done but instead rest in the knowledge that you have done your best for today and tomorrow…….well tomorrow will still be there for another fight and another chance to do your best for your children. A job that is never ending and ongoing for as long as we are lucky enough to have them in our lives.

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