Running for TS - not away from it.

Posted Fri 20th Nov 2015 at 12:45
by Adrian Reynolds

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Adrian Reynolds talks with humour and inspiration about living with TS and how doing all you can for your health, gives you the best chance possible of dealing with TS each day

I first noticed the impact of Tourette’s when I was eight or nine; although back then we called it ‘stop doing that or you can leave the classroom’.  I was diagnosed at sixteen by a doctor who hadn’t actually heard of it, then got on with things for seventeen more years without telling many people.  Although it was a frequent source of attention at school, and rarely in a good way, I never heard the word Tourette’s mentioned.  Since then it has gone from obscurity to part of popular culture, seemingly bypassing the need for actual information.

‘But you don’t even have it’ one person replied to my blog revealing my experience of Tourette’s last year.  For the many sufferers like me who don’t fit the popular stereotype of swearing and vocal outbursts, explaining Tourette’s to people can be as difficult as the condition itself.  There is a constant ambivalence over trying to educate people about the daily realities of the condition while suppressing the symptoms and associated disorders enough to get through each day.

I could take many people’s surprise or literal disbelief as a positive sign that I’ve coped well over the years, at least externally.  This isn’t through shame or fear of what people will think, but merely the best way I know of living my life and preventing the symptoms from snowballing into something I can’t manage. 

Tourette’s is full of contradictions, both in what exacerbates symptoms and what relieves them.  Some every day scenarios make me anxious when I shouldn’t care, yet more daunting prospects like interviews or dating don’t worry me at all.  Perhaps the latter just highlights where motivations are strongest.  Generally speaking, if you live most days outside your comfort zone anyway, these things aren’t as scary. 

Many Tourette’s sufferers will have experienced depression in some form, partly due to the sheer exhaustion of either dealing with the tics, anxiety and stress, or the energy used in suppressing it each day.  While this can be an even worse experience, I have found it has at times provided an off-switch to the Tourette’s.  In this sense, even at your lowest there is a positive side, and once you can recognise it as your body and mind’s way of coping with the condition, it’s easier to remember how temporary it will be.

Exercise and specifically running has had a big impact on my experience of Tourette’s. It took me until I was 29 to start running regularly, with seemingly everyone else in the world taking part in events and me struggling five minutes down the road.  I signed up to a 10km event to see if I could do it too, and have pushed myself to go further ever since. 

I ran for mental health charities and blogged about my experience and the stigma involved, rather than focusing directly on Tourette’s.  In many ways it was easier to use this to discuss the many associated conditions of Tourette’s, without people assuming I was just talking about swearing.

I think regardless of your condition, the knowledge that you’re doing all you can for your health gives you the best chance possible of dealing with it each day.  I say doing all you can, but no one is perfect and I’ve never stopped drinking or socialising too much when I should be resting. It’s a delicate balance but ultimately there’s no point spending every day fighting your condition and eventually realising you’ve forgotten to live.

The main struggle with running initially like most people was lack of fitness.  However, after this it was negative thought patterns, telling myself I couldn’t do it, and then twitching.  With each distance covered the negativity has been silenced more, but the twitching remains.  Tourette’s overloads my senses on a daily basis, and I’m regularly left disorientated when outside walking, so going much faster…well slightly faster, can exacerbate symptoms.  My arms are particularly uncomfortable while running, rarely still and I fear often appearing like I’m attempting to take off. 

However, the main problem is the eye tics, as running along the canal with impaired vision has a predictably damp conclusion.  Besides Regent’s Canal, I’ve also run into the back of a parked van, a golden retriever and Lee from Blue.

Yet it’s all worth it, and not just for blog hilarity.  Rather than taking up time and draining all my energy, running has been both physically and mentally invigorating.   I’ve never coped well in large crowds, yet for some reason this didn’t occur to me before the London Marathon start line and having 40,000 people around me.  Trying to run at other people’s pace, keeping my eyes open and focusing on not tripping over runners was far more difficult than the distance itself.  Yet I’ve run three marathons since then and will be running the London Marathon for Tourette’s Action in 2016.  Quite simply, for all the discomfort of the race, it makes day-to-day life far easier to cope with, providing perspective and reinforcing your confidence.  Tourette’s or not, I’ve seen people of every size, shape and age finish marathons, many no doubt with their own hidden battles. 

Tourette’s may well make life harder, but if you continue to challenge yourself you’ll be amazed just what you can do, and realise that coping with the day-to-day realities of the condition has actually given you the strength and resilience to face challenges many people wouldn’t even consider. 

You can sponsor Adrian who will be running for Tourettes Action in 2016 by visiting his Just Giving Page.

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