17 year old aspiring actor talks about performing and TS

Posted Thu 23rd Mar 2023 at 10:50
by Caitlin Taylor

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'Being able to write and perform a monologue about my TS was an exciting process and I’m proud to show people that I accept who I am despite experiencing extreme tics'.

My name is Caitlin Taylor, I’m 17 years old and live in London.

I have Tourette Syndrome and experience complex tics.

I started to develop tics at the age of four, my first tic was ‘piggy nose’ as referenced in my self written monologue ‘TIC’. However, I wasn’t diagnosed until the age of seven. I went to CAMHS for an Autism assessment and there happened to be a specialist working there at the time who then diagnosed me with Tourette Syndrome. I remember walking to school and my mum explaining I had TS and me replying ‘oh okay’ as a throw away as I didn’t know what it meant. At that point I had no idea of the impact it would have on my life and difficulties I would have to face in the future.

My tics ranged from making all different types of noises to throwing myself on the floor but the worst was yet to come. When I was 11 I began to suffer from depression resulting in me becoming suicidal, this was for a number of reasons but mainly due to my extreme tics. I then developed coprolalia at the age of 14. As a teenager all you want to do is fit in and my tics made me stand out. I suppressed my tics constantly which caused me a lot of pain and exhaustion. I would also suppress them in order to get through my day to day life…and still do today.

I started singing as early as the age of two, it was around the age of seven that my Mum realised that when I sang, my tics disappeared. She immediately enrolled me in singing lessons. As a treat my Nan took me to see Shrek the Musical and that's where my true love for the performing arts came to life. Everytime I would go and see a show after that I was completely submerged. I dreamed of doing it myself.

I joined the Polka Youth Theatre at the age of 12 and performed my first show. I enjoyed the whole process from then rehearsals to being able to perform on that big stage. It was the most fun I had ever really had and I finally felt like I knew where I belonged. It was what I was meant to do with my life.

At 16 I joined BOSS Acting School, a local drama school close to me. This is where I really began to flourish with acting, singing and performing. When I started with the school I didn’t feel confident and didn’t know my true potential, now after almost two years I understand my full power and feel confident in who I am as a person. I’m not ashamed of who I am anymore. I achieved more than I ever thought I would and proved a lot of people wrong around me. This included playing a lead role in a musical for an hour without much ticcing! Now I have taken three LAMDA exams scoring the highest grade of DISTINCTION (and training for my fourth), I have auditioned for National Youth Theatre (wish me luck!) and am doing interviews with industry professionals.

You’ll notice I don’t really tic a lot in my monologue ‘TIC’ and that is because when I act my tics mostly disappear. I love the arts for a lot of different reasons because I feel so connected to what I do, but it is also an escape from my tics. It gives me freedom. Finding my space in the arts and surrounding myself with creative people has also given me a sense of home. People have welcomed me, celebrated me and shown me it’s okay to be different.

I wanted to create a comical yet educational piece about tics, one for people with tics to be able to laugh and relate to, and also for people without tics to learn in a comical way. I wrote and performed the piece in 24 hours. Being able to write and perform a monologue about my TS was an exciting process and I’m proud to show people that I accept who I am despite experiencing extreme tics.

If I could say one thing to everyone who has TS or any type of tics, is that it’s going to be okay, you're worthy and you're going to do big things. Nothing can stop you.

Warning: Some language used in the following monologue may be considered offensive to some readers. 

Click here to watch Caitlin's monologue

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